30 November 2010

I need a new couch now

So this year’s Thanksgiving was rather uneventful. Andy and I went over to Maggie and Dave’s house, watched a couple of movies, ate some Thanksgiving dinner, and avoided bunny shit. The last item being the hardest feat of them all since the two rabbits my sister adopted a little over a week ago are not yet house broken. You would be amazed at the amount of shit a rabbit produces over the course of 5 hours. I could have built a fort with it all, if I was so inclined to handle shit long enough to model a structure out of it.

Rabbits: Serious Shit Machines

We actually left Maggie and Dave’s a bit earlier than we normally have. At the time I just chalked it up to being tired due to my “condition” and the lack of motivation to stay out since Old Fashions were off limits, but it turns out that I had, in fact, caught a really nasty cold. It never fails that during one of the year’s extended holidays (4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years) I will catch some sort of illness that renders my time off pointless. So this year was Thanksgiving and I’m saddened to say that save Bunny Shit Day, I was sleeping, trying to sleep, half asleep, mildly asleep, or watching TV for my 4 days of Not Having To Be At Work.

With 4 days straight on the couch with nothing but a remote control for entertainment, I have compiled the following list for you regarding my current musings on last week’s offering of cable television. Sorry, it’s all I got in the way of “Moe’s Current News”.

ITEM #1: There is, in fact, a certain amount of “Bridezillas” that you can watch and still be a sane human being. There does come a time (around the 6th or 7th episode) where you may find yourself siding with the bridezilla at the same time telling your cat that, “YO! It’s my fucking day bitch” when the cat tries to steal your seat on the couch. This is the point where you need to watch something else.

Just a bit misunderstood is all....it is her fucking day bitch.

ITEM #2: As much as I have a soft spot for Hanna-Barbera, the “Yogi Bear” movie – nay – even just the promo for the “Yogi Bear” movie - might be the most annoying fucking thing I have seen since Hannah Montana graced the airwaves. If I hear “razzle dazzle” one fucking more time (and I’m sure I will) I might just shot my television.

It pains me to actually post this, but you all need the evidence.

ITEM #3: Even though I saw “The Day After Tomorrow” in the theaters and immediately thought it was horrible, it doesn’t stop me from watching it anytime it’s on regular television. I’ve yet to figure out why this is. “Oh, “Day After Tomorrow”, I hate that movie. Let’s watch it.” It might be that I’m still in awe on how a pack of wolves survived the next ice age when every other living thing failed to do so.

Those crazy invincible wolves.  Well, their butts anyhow.

ITEM #4: I’m convinced that BBC America has lost all rights to all shows except ‘Law & Order: UK’, ‘Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares’ and ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’.

ITEM #5: If movies from the 1980’s have taught me anything, it’s that nothing beats walking into the sunset with a kick ass power ballet playing in the background.

ITEM #6: How Adam Richman is not obese by now is beyond comprehension.

Chubby, yes...but not yet obese.  Whadda think?  Laxatives?

ITEM #7: I should really read more.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like a nice Thanksgiving even with the cold and bunny poo.

    I stay away from "Bridezillas" and "Wife Swap" for the reason that I can't stand even one second of the stupidity and selfishness.

    I agree about Adam. I think he purges. There is no way he can stay that size when the challenges he faces are never soup and salad, but massive amounts of cheese and meat. I watch him like a car crash...interested yet mortified.