So last week I was suffering from a serious case of the WTFAID-ings. I will admit that I’m still sort of suffering from them but I’ve been so busy that they have kind of fallen to the wayside. WTFAID of course stands for “What the Fuck am I doing?” and I tend to suffer from them every time I do a major move like this. Beth, my very best friend in the whole world, can attest for me that I tend to move a lot and you would think that this shit would be old hat by now. But I get them every single time. About a month or two after I move I will get the very homesick WTFHID (What the Fuck have I done?) before I finally get used to things and enjoy where I am and where I worked so hard to get to. I wish my brain was different. I guess you could say I suffer a bit of bi-polar personality in this regard…I love moving, I love living in new places, I love meeting new people but on the other hand I love my predictable schedule, I love being places where people know me and I really don’t care for change. Truth be told, I probably would be one of those sad lots who never left their home town if I didn’t have this subversive trait of getting bored so easily.
The ‘getting bored easily’ is a trait Andy and I both share by the way, which is why we get along so well I think. He still doesn’t get my flip side (the not liking change side) though and I think it’s hard for him to understand why I get so emotional over the loss of my possessions. For example, this past Saturday I sold my car, Boring Boring Buster Brown. It wasn’t my most favorite car that I’ve ever owned but it held a lot of memories for me and it was hard to see him go. At the end of the day it’s just a fucking car but it was MY fucking car and I already miss him. I suppose it doesn’t help that I know that it will be years before I own a car again and I already miss that bit of my freedom (WTFAID!).
This past weekend we sold more than just my car. We sold a bunch of stuff to our friends as a pre-rummage sale bonanza. Now there are places in the apartment where things used to be and it really is a bit depressing passing by those empty spots and knowing in two weeks those empty spots aren’t even mine to call my own anymore (WTFAID!).
Are you thoroughly disgusted with me yet? Seriously, I’m pathetic. It’s like I do this thing where I’m all excited about moving but have to go through a mourning period the last few weeks to feel justified I ever chose to live in that particular place to begin with. Of course that leads into thoughts about how wonderful the place I’m living currently is and why I couldn’t appreciate it more when I was still firmly here (WTFAID!).
But I need to move. I only feel like I’m learning and growing if I step out of my comfort zone and experience something new. Living in another country has always been a dream of mine and now I’m finally doing it.
Ugh. This blog post is like my head at the moment. It’s all over the place and not very entertaining. I’m sorry. They say writing is therapeutic and that’s what I’m trying to do. Still doesn’t make for an interesting post though does it?
On an unrelated (or perhaps related) note, someone buy my damn refrigerator. It’s cheap and it makes things cold. I don’t know what more you can ask from it. I’ve personally asked it to sing me the Coconut Song every time I go in for some juice but all it’s done is whir at me and suggest that I keep the door closed if I want to keep my cheese solidified. I thought that was pretty considerate of my refrigerator and perhaps it’s embarrassed of its singing voice so I didn’t press the issue.