02 October 2009

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, "I don't know."”

A-ha! Thank you Andy and Bethhead for your questions! I feel as if I have a purpose again in writing. Actually, thank you Bethhead, your questions moved me. Andy, not so much.

From British man residing in California who may or may not be wearing the same t-shirt he had on yesterday: What are you talking about?

Thank you very much for your interest Mr. Teabagger. I have thought long and hard about exactly what it is that I am talking about and I have finally come to the conclusion that it must be about pastry. Thanks for writing in.

From a new mother residing in the frozen tundra of Wausau, WI we have a myriad of questions. I will post the first three for now.

Why is it that cats do not like to get wet and why do dogs smell like ass when they do?

Excellent question Beth! This is actually a two part question that would be best answered in song.

Since you cannot hear my most intriguing and philosophical song on the subject, I will just have to say, "They just do." Trust me, the song was much better.

When you move, what is something you will miss about the States?

I have never actually been to Australia before so I can't be an expert on what exactly I will miss, I can only assume from the things that I have read. Here is that list so far:

  • Rabbits - unless I manage to grow a garden.
  • Spiders that I can easily kill with a paper towel without hearing a squishing sound.
  • 1/2 and 1/2 - Why Australia? Why? It's not like I'm going to have my own cow and dairy to make my own.
  • Ranch dressing - This can't even be imported from the States as it's a dairy product. Perhaps getting my own cow and dairy isn't such a bad idea after all.
  • Being able to call flip-flops flip-flops and not 'thongs'. -I guarantee that I will be giggling the first time that comes out of my mouth.

Things I wish I could un-see: Kylie Minogue on a giant thong

(Dammit)Why can't my kid take a nap longer than 30-45 min?

Because he isn't old enough to drink himself to a nap, nor is he going to work, the bum. I think at 3 months you should get him an application at McDonald's. It's never too early to teach financial responsibility.

More next week...


  1. 1. What is the capital of Mars?
    2. How many biscuits can an average size spaniel eat in one sitting?
    3. Where is the best spoon collection in North America?
    4. Who is Arthur?
    5. Why do the smallest things become so big with time?

  2. Thanks for the answers. I will try the McDonald's application thing with Thomas next month. Maybe getting him a job will also cause him to drink just in case he gets fired for not being able to hold his head up and drooling all over the biscuits.

    Thongs, huh. I'd have a problem with that to. Even more so, the ranch dressing.


  3. That woman must walk around with her eyes closed as ranch dressing is available at any supermarket over here!!!

    And yes, you haven't lived until you walk into the bathroom on a warm summers night and see a hairy Huntsman spider the size of your hand sitting up in the corner. Makes me run the other way!

    BTW, i own 2 sets of thongs ;-)

  4. C, practice the following word: "Sandals" It's two syllables, and it also means 'an expensive resort with thin people in the advertising and fat people on the beach'. Sandals.

    Enjoyed it, thanks!