04 February 2010


So last night I had this horrible dream that everyone hated me. It wasn't just one dream, I woke up once and when I feel back to sleep I had another dream where everyone hated me. Vivid dreams like that can fuck with you. You can wake up and still feel lousy for whatever it was that disturbed you while you were sleeping. A bit like that 'Friends' episode where Phoebe announces she's not talking to Ross anymore because of what he said to her in her dream. In my case I woke up and went downstairs and looked at the cat. "Chloe hates me" ran through my brain. Then there was Andy sitting on the couch already hard at work and I frowned and thought, "he hates me too." It took awhile to snap out of it until...

...I went to the DMV. Talk about people who hate you.

Everyone knows the DMV can suck the soul out of anybody. The California DMV takes Soul Sucking to a brand new level, it really does. The California DMV asks (not politely I might mention)that you make an appointment on their website. That is all fine and good if you don't mind waiting over a month for your appointment. (Oh hey, are dentists and the DMV in league with each other?) In the case where you need whatever it is right away, you are forced to become DMV scum and be one of the throngs Without an Appointment. I was one of those scums.

I'm not going to get into waiting in line and all that crap because anybody with a license in any of the US States knows what it's like at the DMV. What I do want to mention is two things:

1) Why are people rude to the DMV employees? I mean, I know WHY, but what's the purpose? I would think the one perk of being a DMV employee is denying anyone the right to drive if that person is being a dick. If I was a DMV employee and the person was being a dick but still had all the proper paperwork to get his driver's license renewed, I'd make shit up.

"No sir, you'll need the 1056-YZQ form filled out, signed and certified by a notary. According to our database, it looks like you might have to get your 2nd cousin in here for fingerprints as he has a lien on your license. I'm sorry sir, there's nothing I can do. If you have a complaint, please write to your local Congressman."

I try to be as polite and clever (no one likes speaking to a dumb ass) as possible when dealing with a DMV employee. This really doesn't get me much except a no conversation, no 'you still need to do this' attitude, and I get processed without problems.

2) After being at the DMV for an hour and a half, I am honestly afraid to drive now. The people that they were issuing licenses to willy nilly was mind boggling. There was a man around 112 years old with an eye patch, half a leg, a speech impediment (I suspect 7 AM gin drinking!), and had his pants on backwards issued a driver's license without a thought. I could only surmise he was very polite.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh...I hate the DMV. At least in Wausau, it is bearable. Although, we have the licensed 112 yr old Farmer drivers who think their car is their tractor and go 12 mph.