Conversations in Glaswian

Because I'm absolute shit at describing my vacations, I thought for this one occasion I would give you our two day trip to Glasgow (with a stop in the Lake District) in picture and conversation form instead of a story type post.

ANDY: Why are you taking a picture of the Services station?
MOE: It's pretty.
ANDY: Do you need me to drive around so you can take a picture of the gas pumps next?

ANDY: You know we aren't in Scotland yet, right?
MOE: Yes but, it says SCOTLAND on the sign.

ANDY: DON'T TAKE A PICTURE OF THE COPPER!  We'll get pulled over!
MOE: Just relax dude.  It's fine.

MOE: Thank you for driving slow past the sign for me. (smiles)
ANDY: Anything for you sweetheart.

ANDY: So why do you want to drink Tennent's so badly?
MOE: It's made in Glasgow.  It's LOCAL beer.
ANDY: It's tramps beer.
MOE: I don't even know what that means.
ANDY: Tramps drink it because of the high alcohol content.
MOE: That can't be all bad.  (sips beer)  OH MAN!  This beer is horrible!
ANDY: I told you.

ANDY: Taking pictures of buses now?
MOE: No!  Well, yes...in this particular one perhaps.   But the building is cool.  It's old and shit.
ANDY: All of Europe is old and shit.

ANDY: (sighs deeply)  Are you planning on crossing the street at any point in time?

ANDY: Upon request, here is your 'old man's pub'.
MOE: Ugh, it's filled with men watching the football match!
ANDY: (thinking in his head) Why did I marry a bloody American?

MOE:  What's a 'neeps'?
ANDY: I have no idea.   Turnips?
MOE: You're suppose to know these things.
ANDY: I'm a vegetarian.
MOE: So?  'Tatties' are potatoes.
ANDY: (thinking in his head) Why did I marry a bloody American?

ANDY ON FIRST DAY OF TRIP:  Make sure you close the gate or else the elevator won't work for anyone else.
MOE ON LAST DAY OF TRIP: You forgot to close the gate!
ANDY: What!  I'm hungover!

MOE: You know, the most north in the world I've been WAS Blackpool.
ANDY: Now you can say it's a whiskey distillery in Scotland!
MOE: That's so awesome.

 MOE: OK, stand by this lake and look like you're having fun.
ANDY: I am.
MOE: Look, we had to do something on this trip besides go to pubs or else one would think we have a drinking problem.  Besides, you can't come to Scotland and not see a castle.
ANDY: (thinking in his head) Why did I marry a bloody American?

 MOE: What a pretty footpath!
ANDY: It's the footpath of doom!

MOE: You know, this castle is kind of crap.  The ones in Wales were a lot nicer.
ANDY: (thinking in his head) Why did I marry a bloody American?

MEN WE MET IN PUB: You know why they decided to film part of the new Brad Pitt zombie movie ('World War Z') in Philadelphia?  Because Glasgow looks more like Philadelphia than Philadelphia does.
MOE:  I don't know who they're trying to fool.  I've been to Philadelphia, it isn't that clean.

MOE: (whispering to Andy afterward) You know, the only reason they started talking to us is because they heard my accent and thought we were part of the movie crew.
ANDY: Did they think you were Angelina Jolie?
MOE: Yes, well, TV might add 10 pounds to your figure but the big screen subtracts 100 pounds.

MOE:  The Lake District is really pretty!  The mountains look like butts!

ANDY: Do you want me to pull over again so you can take more pictures?
MOE: No, I'm pretty much bored of nature now.

ANDY: Was that...?
MOE: Oh.  We. Have. To. Stop.

MOE TO BARMAN: Do you sell t-shirts?
BARMAN:  No, I'm afraid not.
MOE: That might be the saddest thing I've heard all day.

MOE: Somebody make me a t-shirt with this on it please.