26 October 2011

Henry's Big Week Out (it wasn't that big...)

So this must be Henry’s week because all the interesting things I have to share with you involve him. Henry is feeling pretty cocky about that actually and is currently sitting in a leather backed chair smoking a cigar contemplating writers for his first autobiography.

Thursday is Story and Rhyme day at the Children’s Center. Last Thursday’s Story and Rhyme was cancelled so Henry and I were looking at a pretty boring day with absolutely no songs about bears in it. OK, I might have been less disappointed about that than Henry was. One of the girls that I had a date with the week previous texted me and invited Henry and I out to the movies since we know how children get if there are no songs about bears on a Thursday and there isn’t anything to replace it. (Run-on sentence alert!) When this girl first invited me to the movies I eagerly agreed then tentatively asked if babies were allowed. They were!

Every Thursday morning, the FACT Theater in Liverpool does a showing of the week’s most popular movie, open to families with kids under the age of 1. It’s called The Big Scream. It’s only 4 pounds to get in, which is well cheap compared to the price of a normal movie ticket. You basically go in, and if you are there early, you can get a seat in the first row which has plenty of space to lay down a blanket and some toys for your kid in front of you. And while it’s called the Big Scream, once the movie starts you kind of tune out the rest of the noisy babies and only pay attention if yours is fussing. Henry did surprisingly well during the film – I thought he’d make a right racket. The only caveat is that the movie was the Three Musketeers in 3D. Henry insisted on playing with my 3D glasses halfway through the film and threw a fit if I tried to take them back. The last half of the movie was a bit blurry…but at least it was watched in peace.

Mmm...3D is tasty.

You might be under the impression that since I was invited out on a 2nd date, that my quest for a friend has finally come into being. I’m sad to say it’s not. While the 1st date went very well, the 2nd did not. If I’m to continue with this dating analogy, let’s just say that this woman has her tip in many pots – that is to say that she’s sleeping around (probably fucking your sister as we speak) – and really isn’t looking for a serious relationship. That’s fine really. Truthfully the 2nd outing was a bit awkward coming to a disastrous head when she asked after the movie if I wanted to get McDonald’s and come back to her house where she was meeting up with her friend (who had also joined us at the movies). I heard “McDonald’s” and made a face because that’s what McDonald’s does to my digestive system. Then I freaked out that I offended her and did this horrible Chandler word vomit finally ending the whole spiel with, “I’m sorry, I’m a bit nervous and have trouble with accents.” I was prompted ignored but now felt like I had to get McDonald’s and come back to her place. Everyone – McDonald’s is shit. British McDonald’s is worse than American McDonald’s (if that’s even possible) because the British are required by law to cook all beef until it no longer has a disease…though I don’t know why these same cooking principles have to apply the chicken sandwich I had, but there you go. The 3 hours I spent after the movie with her and her friend (who was really quite nice) was uncomfortable and long…though probably made worse from the fact that I didn’t have a cigarette the entire time I was out as both these women are nurses and had already made comments about mothers who smoke. I’m a bad person! I get it!

To make a long story short, I haven’t heard back from this woman since that day. I think my next friend making effort is to find women smoking outside of pubs and ask if they have kids. If they say ‘yes’ and don’t try to deck me, I’ll think I’ve found a soul mate.


The other item Henry related is that we took him to his first pumpkin patch. Coming from Wisconsin, I tried to make a yearly October visit to the Elegant Farmer in Mukwonago (I love to hear anyone outside of Wisconsin pronounce that name*). Wisconsin is primarily farm land and Halloween, of course, is huge in the States so the pumpkin patch there was acres long. I suppose in someway I thought it would be similar here – there is a lot of farm land in England. Of course Halloween isn’t nearly as prevalent and the pumpkin patch ended up being fairly small. It was fine though, Henry wasn’t very fussed.

 Da Farm  (or really, da farm's shop)

I like making Andy look excited about something in pictures...when clearly he's not.

"Can we go?  There are some 3D glasses I need to chew on."

What was funny was when we found him the perfect sized pumpkin and let him “hold” it. He didn’t seem like he was very interested in it until we tried to take it off him. Then he hollered until we gave it back. He’s going to be that sort of kid, isn’t he? God help us.

 "Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine."

*(it’s muhk-guan-ago)


  1. When I was living in Bath, my friend had a baby and wanted to go to the movies. She asked if I'd go with her to that 'bring-your-baby-to-the-movies' thing. It actually wasn't that bad, but the guy who was taking our money looked at me like I was totally nuts for being there.

  2. Kim: Yeah, I would wonder too! I know when I was without kid, someone crunching on popcorn would be too loud. ;-)

  3. ahhh, they're just jealous that your kid is cuter than theirs; need some new secure friends

  4. M: LOL, yes, I'm sure that must be it.

  5. We know that the measure of a good parent is not whether or not they smoke but the love and support they provide or deny us.

  6. Anon: That's the most nice thing anyone has said to me all week. :-)

  7. it's Me-M
    and it's the Truth

  8. If they're nurses they should know better, McDonalds is worse than smoking! Wet cardboard paper in a bun! no thank you. HA ha
    I accidentally stumbled upon your blog and I'm really enjoying it. I know it's tragic how you didn;t get along with the other mums but you make it sound hillarious.
    BTW where's that FACT thing at?

  9. Alicja: Ha ha. I was going to make that same joke about McDonalds.

    The FACT thing is in downtown Liverpool. I can't remember the street. The link above should give the details.

  10. DUH! the link. Right. How embarassing. Let's pretend I didn't ask.