My Public Apology to My Husband

So if you read my Henry blog, you will know that we’ve had to deal with a sick baby for the first part of March. It turned out that Henry contracted a bad stomach flu which lead into 5 solid days of very unsolid shits and lots and lots of vomit. I was averaging 4-5 loads of laundry per day which included not only Henry’s clothes, but our clothes that were in direct fire. That doesn’t even include the bed linens and one lovely load of wash where there were 5 stuffed animals with their little faces swimming around the machine. I am glad to report that Henry is indeed on the mend now, but I am sad to say that both Andy and I have caught it. It’s not been a good month thus far.

There's a lot of this going on in this house.

As you can imagine, dealing with a sick baby has its own set of challenges. I will fully admit that I am not the most patient person in the world and I will also admit fully to being easily frustrated when things aren’t going well. If you tack on lack of sleep, you might as well be handling a badger with a ticking bomb inside. This is to say that by day three of the child being ill, I kind of lost my shit.

The fact of the matter is, I yelled at my husband. The English use the phrase, “shouty” by the way. It was Sunday morning and we were all upstairs in Henry’s room changing yet another diaper blow-out. Andy and I both had on fresh clothes and Henry had just been put in clean pajamas. As Andy picked Henry up from the changing table, “BLEEEEEEEGH!” puke everywhere, though mainly down Andy’s shirt. I grabbed Henry and began the process of changing him into another pair of clean pajamas. Andy in the meantime was just standing there dazed. I know that dazed look because I had that same look every time Henry had a diaper blow-out. It’s that whole, “I have no idea on where to begin cleaning this.” This didn’t stop me from saying, “Don’t stand there like a dillweed, do something!”

This brings me to the following points:

1. Who the hell uses the word “dillweed”? I mean, I have a complete catalog of colorful phrases and insults and the one I pick out of all of them is “dillweed”?

2. When was the last time “dillweed” was used as an insult before last Sunday? It’s got to be awhile. By my records, the last time it was used as an insult was in 1994 at Chad Banister’s 8th grade basement graduation party and it was used unintentionally ironically. Yes, that can happen.

3. Why is “dillweed” even an insult? I’m going to start calling people “parsleyhead” and see if it catches on.

4. Did you know that Americans eat 9 pounds of pickles per person per year? The internet said so, so you know it’s true.

From harmless herb to 90's insult - what went wrong dill weed?

Due to my frustrations and everything that has happened since last Sunday, I never did apologize to Andy for calling him a dillweed. So here’s my public apology: I’m sorry Andy for calling you a dillweed. Next time you are covered in vomit and you are standing there wondering what to do next, I promise I will not call you a name such as dillweed, turdface, dumbbell, nincompoop, or parsleyhead. However, if I actually remember “ignoramus” I might say that because it’s a funny word to say…but I won’t mean it seriously, promise.