ShakeOut Day or Why I would be dead if this wasn't a drill

From the 12 page pamphlet left on my office chair this morning, I learned that it was The Great California ShakeOut Day. Actually, I didn't really learn that, since anything HR leaves on my chair I quickly place in my filing rack without bothering to read it. OK, I glance on Things HR Leaves On My Chair to make sure that it doesn't say anything like, "Surprise! Free day off with pay tomorrow!" or "Bagels in the kitchen!" Everything else gets Filed Without Reading.

I have to say, if you ever do stop by my cube one day, feel free to peruse such fascinating reads as:

• How to use the fire extinguisher in 9 easy steps!


• "What's That Smell?" - A Guide to Gas


• Swine Flu and You: A comprehensive guide on how to wash your hands


• The terrorists won't win if you back up your hard drive!


• CPR - How to give life to your co-workers without having to kiss them

So yes, the ShakeOut. Earthquake Safety. After I was settled in this morning, one of my co-workers who is known to Take Things Seriously Only When He Has To, started playing the earthquake drill sound effects. Basically, a lot of rumbling and glass shattering and car alarms going off, that sort of thing. He played it at least 3 times at a loud volume, giggling to himself about it sounding like a herd of donkeys coming through. One of his buddies who Never Takes Things Seriously Even When He's Suppose To joined in the fun by manually shaking the cube walls, which I might mention are all attached and therefore I might have spilled soda on myself. I really wish I could say that these sort of Work Disturbances are rare, but they are not. There is a reason I leave headphones at my desk.

At 10:30 this morning, Mr. Only Take Things Seriously Only When He Has To once again played the earthquake drill sound effects. There was general shuffling in my work vicinity, but I figured it was just people shifting uncomfortably in their chairs having to listen to the fucking sound effects for the 4th time this morning. But no. 3 minutes later Mr. Never Takes Things Seriously Even When He's Suppose gets on the loud speaker to announce that we are in fact having an earthquake drill and he's sorry to say that everyone who is left in the building is technically dead. The 8 of us who were left at our desks decide to go outside with the others as we Don't Want to Get Singled Out By Our Bosses. It was time for a cigarette anyhow, since I'm dead already, it doesn't really matter now does it?

Don't worry, Daddy will get you some applesauce and soon as he unearths Mommy from under the refrigerator.

Just for shits and grins, here is a map of the recent earthquakes in Southern California: http://quake.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Maps/118-34.html

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I smell bagels. It might be gas though, hard to tell without reading the pamphlet.